He held me in his arms and finally told me what I had been needing to hear for 18 months:

"You had someone who loved you"

Closely followed by a pain-filled "This sucks"

He let me go, only to reach for me again a few seconds later. He always found it difficult to not touch me. For us, hugging became a marathon event and then a bittersweet addiction. It hurts every time, but neither of us can stop.

He pulled away slightly and made to leave, but I held him fast. "Wait"

"What fo-" Quick as a flash I reached my hand to his face and swallowed his words with my kiss.

I knew what I was doing. I'd like to think that it was spur of the moment, but I had been thinking about it since he had at last told me the truth. I needed it after that. But I didn't intend for it to turn out the way it did. It was meant to be brief. I wasn't supposed to feel anything. That was the point.

I was hesitant, cautious, light- I knew I shouldn't do this, but wanted to see if it felt the same. His lips were softer than I remembered.

He was surprised, but only for a second, that's when he should have pulled away. But he didn't. He kissed me back with his whole soul.

He held me like I was precious and fragile, as if our kiss was made of spun glass. My jaw was cradled in his palm, his fingers in my hair, delicately stroking while his lips danced across my mouth, like a waltz. He touched his tongue to mine lightly, an invitation I returned, gently.

His arm was already around my waist, but he curled me closer, as a sound escaped his throat. I slid my arm over his shoulder and down his back, drawing closer to him by degrees. In that moment I wished I could shed my skin and crawl into his chest to stay beside his heart forever.

We finally parted at the same time, reluctant. He rested his forehead on mine, breathing shallowly.

"Goodbye" I said. And I meant it.

"Goodbye" he said. But he didn't.

We both knew out stolen moment had gone further than it should, but not as far as either of us wanted. Wrong or not, it was too perfect a kiss to regret.

We stayed for a brief moment, not wanting to go back to reality. "Your heart's beating really fast" he told me inanely. I laughed, the tension broken "Yeah, you tend to have that effect on me".

He stepped away, scurrying back inside his emotional shell. He looked like he had been hit by a truck. He told me it felt that way when I asked him. He put his helmet on "Coz it's safer" and paused, looking at me like he's never seen me before "I didn't expect to like it that much". I didn't tell him that I did.

past ~ next